They say not to make any big decisions while you are in the grieving process.
Don’t get engaged or divorced, don’t buy or sell a house, don’t quit a job. The reason for all these guardrails is the toll that losing a loved one takes on you—mentally, emotionally and physically.
For one year—at least—you’re supposed to put off all major decisions, and instead focus on two things: grieving your loved one, and caring for yourself. I was just talking with a friend who lost a parent three years ago, and today is the four-year anniversary of when my sister and I lost our dad. There’s nothing magic about one year, but there is something magic about caring for yourself.
Just like the flight attendants preach about the importance of making sure you don’t pass out so that you can render aid to others, it is important that you take care of your mental, emotional and physical needs so that you will be fit to care for those around you.
Self-care isn’t selfish. Most of us know that—and would give that advice to friends. However, it can still feel selfish to prioritize your needs over someone else’s. Not everything that is good for us (exercise, taking medicine) is enjoyable in the moment. (OK, my sister will say that exercise is enjoyable in the moment, and we agree to disagree on this point). Even if my 100 burpees feel terrible, I know they are important. Even if my daily baby aspirin makes me feel like an old lady, I know it is important. And, those are both forms of self-care. And so is reading a book, NOT answering a text, and taking a trip.
It won’t come as any surprise that my favorite form of self-care is travel. The entire process (even the things most people see as headaches like planning the trip and navigating the flights and roads) brings me joy. And, without a doubt, being on a trip is healing for me. New sights, sounds, tastes, smells. New ideas. Overcoming obstacles. Indulging in vistas. Laughing with strangers, snuggling with loved ones.
After the 1-year prescription for self-care has expired, I recommend you renew it.